Family Life / Mummy Talk

How to Raise Concerns and Write an Effective Email to the School

Last week, I complained raised my concerns with #JasperBean’s nursery. I don’t want to be labelled as “oh, THAT parent“, but felt it was necessary. Scroll down or click here for my tips on how to write an effective email to the school without sounding like a whining teenager.

What was I concerned about?

#JasperBean had never really enjoyed the drop off at nursery and this would always involve a tear or two. I think he secretly thinks mummy goes for a rave whilst he’s there. So obviously he wants to join in as well and the fight and debate of what a wonderful time he will have at nursery commences days before he actually steps in.

I was never too concerned as carers and grandparents tell me what a wonderful time he has had and sometimes doesn’t even want to leave. Overall, I think that’s a success! However, things have gotten worse since he started in the pre-school room almost a month ago. I understand there is a period of settling down, but since it’s early days – it seemed even more appropriate for me to raise my concern?


2 things. 2 thing’s that I’ve worked really hard on with #JasperBean since he was a newborn was sleep and potty training. I kid you not, #JasperBean has been “pottry training” since he was 6 weeks old. Now, before you start cursing and saying what the heck was I thinking of. Hear me out. You’ve heard of baby-led weaning, well this is baby-led pottying. Baby’s give out signals when they are ready to go, and even if these are sometimes very subtle, you can almost guess the timings of when a potty is required. You can read about our potty training success and tips here.


#JasperBean was never a great sleeper, so sleep was almost non-existent on the days he attended nursery. He probably slept 30% of the time he was there, and they lasted less than an hour when he would usually nap for 2-3 hours at home. So now, we find out no one in the room knows whether he’s actually had a nap or rest was a concern for me. Not the fact that he didn’t sleep, but that no one knows! How is that possible? I know you are looking after a whole bunch of kids, but seriously? I was not impressed.

Potty Training

We did baby-led pottying from a very early age and it worked for us. Until he started nursery at 1-year-old. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but requesting the nursery to do what we did at home was just impossible. Therefore, #JasperBean ended up wearing nappies the majority of the time. Since last Christmas, we had transitioned to more days without. This had been going really well with only a few accidents here and there. However, since moving to the pre-school room, he had somewhat regressed. Calling himself “mummy’s baby” and wetting himself more often. The number 2 which he hasn’t done in his nappies or pants since November (5 months ago) had returned! Given all the changes he was going through, I emphathised. The thing that got me was they didn’t notice he had soiled his nappy. Again, I put it down to a lack of awareness, which pushed me to reach out.

How to Raise Concerns and Write an Effective Email to the School

Tips on getting in touch with the nursery/school

I sat down and thought about it, long and hard. I did NOT want to write a long whining email to the head. My intentional was not to rant or complain. Nor was my intention to say that my kid deserved more attention and care from the staff than the other children. So here are my tips on writing an effective email:

  1. What and who are you raising the issue with? Think about the issue you are raising. It might be easier to raise your concerns with the manager or head as they will have a bigger impact on imposing any changes.
  2. Be polite. Your child is likely to stay with the same school for some time. Therefore you want to build a positive relationship with them and not become the “naggy, pushy parent”.
  3. Explain why it matters. In my particular example, their actions or lack of screamed “disorganisation”. Neither was a good thing for them or the children, this was something that I believed needed improvement.
    • If you are raising concerns about a specific incident, explain what you understand and give space for their input. Remember, you are trying to be constructive and not imposing yourself onto them.
  4. Suggest a follow-up call or time to speak in person. It might be hard to communicate everything over email and many times, things can get lost in translation. Being able to speak to the person will give you and them the chance to clarify things more clearly.
  5. Be patient. Things will take time to change, but keeping in touch regularly will ensure a good lasting relationship with the nursery/school.

Have things changed?

It’s still early days, but since raising my concerns and speaking to staff members, I believe my actions have improved our communication. Which turns out, was the fundamental problem. We were introduced to their “transitional book” that allows parents and child/ren to take home and build on their knowledge and connection with the new room and carers. As well as re-introducing the “world book” he had when he was in their infant room which notes down small details of whats happened during the day to reassure us “troubled parents” that everything is ok. This experience has brought me closer to the nursery and they have been alot more vocal with us. In general, I think its been alot more positive. Drop off’s can still be teary sometimes, but at least I know if anything happens, we won’t hesitate to find someone to talk to.

Have you been through something similar with your nursery/school? Do you think I was being over the top for raising this? I would love to hear from you.

Thanks for reading and until next time…

Love, MsMamaBean x

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26 April 2018 at 9:27 pm

Funnily enough I wrote a letter to our daughters nursery today. I think sometimes writing things down can be a much calmer, collecte way of making a point without getting confrontational. You offer some great tips and I’m glad you have seen a positive result to reaching out. I’m all for speaking up, these are our kids after all.
Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

    26 April 2018 at 9:46 pm

    Absolutely agree. Writing things down can put things in perspective and avoiding saying things in the “heat of the moment”. A calmer head is definitely required when things can get emotional, especially when it comes to our kids! I hope you will get a good response from your daughters nursery too! Thanks for commenting!

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