It’s Okay to Cry in Front of Your Kids
One morning, I was holding my little 2 year old #JasperBean crying non-stop. Suddenly, I felt his strong little shoulder and soothing concerned voice. I could feel his worried little face peeping down to see what I was doing. When I hear him continuing to say “mummy… mummy, sorry… mummy sorry… mummy is okay?”, this warmed and broke my heart. So many of us nowadays want to appear in control of our lives, our kids and that everything around us is perfect that we have become masters at suppressing our emotions. But what happens when you can no longer hold this front anymore? What if you are at breaking point? Is it okay to cry?
Everyone will have times when they need to release their emotions through tears. The only difference is whether you choose to lock your door and cry in bed alone, or cry unreservedly in front of your loved ones. In many Chinese families, parents do not like to show any sad emotions and crying in front of their children was seen as a sign of weakness. I understand that every parent wants their child to see themselves in a positive light. Therefore some might choose to hide these negative emotions from them so that their children only see a happy mummy/daddy.
I am weak, but that’s okay
As a mother, in this instance, I have chosen the latter, which is to cry my eyes out whilst holding my baby when I am upset. Why? Because I believe #JasperBean needs to know that showing feelings, be it laughter or tears is okay. I believe that by crying in front of #JasperBean, I am able to show him that even parents, us “Super Mummy’s” suffer from times of weakness and crying IS acceptable.
Benefits
Me and S are #JasperBean’s closest relation and that day when I cried in front of him, it seemed to suddenly awaken something emotional and caring inside of him. Before that day, I never would have thought that a 2 year old could comfort me when I was down. He cuddled me and stroked my hair and asked me if I was okay. He even told me that I was sad and wanted to give me a kiss to make everything better. That day, that moment, my little boy took my role and provided me with comfort when I most needed it.
I am so proud that #JasperBean has shown responsibility and compassion to care for the people around him.
It’s okay to cry, but beware
Although I believe showing your emotions in front of your kids are beneficial, there are some boundaries I stand by:
- You can cry, but not over everything. You know the saying “crying over spilt milk”, well there is a time and place for appropriate crying. For example, crying during a sad emotional scene in a movie, life changing experiences like death, marriage troubles, losses etc, but crying over burnt dinner or a broken plate? Time for a rethink. Explain to them why you’re crying and how you feel so that they can understand the reason behind it. P.S. You can spare the detail.
- This is so important, I’m going to say it twice! Always explain to your kid’s why you’re crying. Remember I mentioned #JasperBean saying sorry when he saw me crying? This is because children tend to blame themselves when something goes wrong. If it’s got nothing to do with them, let them know it’s not their fault and that crying isn’t something bad. Tell them you just need to get it out of your system, and don’t make them feel that it is their job to comfort you.
- Avoid hysteria. They need to know that mummy (and daddy) are only human and we all cry, but avoid meltdowns. They don’t need to see you shattered into pieces.
It’s okay to cry, this is normal. Acknowledge that and teach your kid’s how to deal with a range of emotions. They are bound to run into these “negative emotions” oneday. Therefore, I believe shielding them from it is unhealthy. Children are very good at picking up nonverbal cues, so if they can sense your unhappiness but don’t know why and you’re not sharing with them on whats going on, this may do them more harm than you think.
What do you do when you are sad? What are your tips? Are you a crier like me? Or do you disagree and think I’ve got this all wrong, I would love to hear your story and learn from your experience.
Thanks for reading and until next time…
Love, MsMamaBean x
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Comments
I’ve cried in front of my daughter a few times. I think as you say, it’s good for them to see you expressing emotions in a healthy way x #twinklytuesdays
My mother always felt she had to be strong for me, but I actually cherish the moments we cried together
Aww JasperBean sounds so sweet and also great that he stepped up to care for you. I agree with you about letting your kids see you cry, it’s a learning experience he will most definitely deal with in his future.
It is ok to cry in front of your kids on occasion and when it’s appropriate. It teaches them that it is ok to have sad feelings and to express them.
I also think it helps them with empathy, as you say, and understanding that their own emotions are okay to have.
Definitely, there’s no shame showing emotions.
I’m Yet to have kids, but my Mum’s often cried in front of me and would say it defiantly brought us closer together.
That’s great to hear! I’m happy that we are comfortable enough to open up to our close ones x
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts with us. I think it is great for you to show your emotions in front of your children to teach them it is ok to cry.
Thanks for sharing this post! I have definitely cried in front of my kiddos and yes, it is okay.
Thank you! It’s good to know that there are more mamas out like expressing themselves like me x
This is so encouraging! Sometimes when I’m upset my son asks me “is mommy crying?” It just melts my heart
It’s great to know that they know and care even when they don’t always express it.
When I cried in front of my granddaughter after loosing my beloved dog, she told me, it’s alright Nana, great granddad is in heaven he will look after her #blogginggoodtime@_karendennis
This is so sweet. It’s amazing how they can read us and comfort us, sometimes I think as adults we sometimes lack the ability to find words in times of sadness, but kids, they just do, their innocence shines through.
I totally agree with all you have said there and this is exactly how I manage it. My girls are much older now and they understand a bit more and are just amazing #ablogginggoodtime x
Thank you for the encouragement. I hope my boy would grow up to be understanding and loving too. X
I always feel so guilty for crying in front of my kids but you’re so right. It’s a natural reaction to a certain situation and you would be stiffling their development if you didn’t cry. Great article! #ablogginggoodtime
Thank you! At first I thought I was such a bad mum for breaking down in front of my little one, but realise there’s nothing to be ashamed of! X
Beautiful post and something I can relate to as I was the mum at breaking point crying into y five year olds arms last week. Thank you for sharing #brillblogposts
I’m glad all us mums go through the same thing and can support one another! Hope you’re better now. X
Yes to this! It’s important that kids know that the garden of life is not always rosy and for them to see and learn to show empathy towards these emotions too I have cried a lot in front of my daughter and remember struggling with it first so can really relate to this thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub xoxo
I felt so bad as I thought I shouldn’t be exposing him to such negativity at such a young age. However, the more I read and talk to other mums about it, the more I realise that this is absolutely acceptable and normal! Thanks for showing your support! The struggle is real! X
What a brilliant post and I agree that you should tell your children the reason why even if you have to make it age appropriate, xx #DreamTeam
I agree, it’s a sensitive issue and we definitely have to take into consideration their age and their personality!
I have had professionals say it is bad, I think it depends on the context. But generally think it is fine to do because I want my children to learn that not everything is peachy and that crying is a normal response X #ablogginggoodtime
Oh really? I would love to hear what their insight is, but regardless, I do think it is a sensitive issue and there are a lot of things to consider. I wouldn’t recommend exposing them to prolonged or repeated negative experiences, so we do have to be careful whatever we choose to do. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. X
If we want them to grow up with a range of emotions, it’s a good idea to share emotions appropriately so they can develope the language and skill set to empathize. Great post! #bigpinklink xoxo
You’re so right about he appropriateness! It really boils down to how we handle our own emotions and show them there are different ways to deal with negativity. X
From your mouth and blog… 😘
I wouldn’t see this as a sign of weakness at all. on the contrary, I find those that can’t show emotion to be weak – fearful of how they will be perceived. it’s so important to teach children at an early age how to develop their emotions and be in charge of them in a constructive manner. you’re a great momma!
Thank you for your comment! I guess we all deal with negative emotions differently and there’s really no right or wrong depending on circumstances, but it really means alot to me to read this. x
Really interesting post. I think we often feel we have to be brave, but my kids are always so worried about not getting things right, learning about being human is far more important #ablogginggoodtime
Kids really shouldn’t have to worry, but it’s something no one seems to be able to escape. I think like all parents, we just want our children to be good and happy.
I’ve never thought about it like before. But I definitely agree that it’s important to show your children how feeling you emotions are okay and encouraged.
Yes, we are need to be more emotional sometimes, it’s only healthy 😬
I think showing emotion is the only way a child will learn
I guess that’s why we’re role models whether we like it or not 😊
Great post. I completely agree. Showing young children your emotions allows them to practice empathy and learn to deal with their emotions in a healthy manner. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! We only want our children to be healthy, both physically or mentally! 💪🏻
I use to hate crying infront of my kids! This totally changes my prespective! I never thought of it this way! <3
Honestly I don’t like it either, but after seeing changes in my child, I have to agree that it does teach them we’re not super human and we mummies and daddies break down too.
This is such a great post! Being a mother must be so incredibly hard – I’m just in awe of you wonder women and all that you have to consider and navigate on a daily basis. But this is such a helpful post for so many moms out there, I’m sure!
We all face different challenges in life and being a parent is just another one of them. We’re not super in any way but just trying to navigate parenting to the best of our abilities. X
I totally agree that its okay to cry in front of children. If they don’t see you do it they may feel like its not okay to cry at all when they are older.
That’s what I thought… and also the fact I don’t want them to think mummy is made of steel and doesn’t breakdown, doesn’t hurt and never needs a rest! 😂
I love this post. I always feel like we try to hide too much from out children. I feel like it is important for our children to know that we are always strong that is okay.
I guess it’s only our protective nature and we try to brush away the negativity, but I realise that not all negativity is bad, it just depends how we deal with it x
Popping back in from #dreamteam xo
Really great post, I ma glad you discussed this topic. Your little one sounds so wonderful too. I sometimes hide myself away as I don’t won’t to worry my children, but I do let them see me cry on occasion. I think it is important they know we experience a range of emotions and also for them to see that just abacus we can get sad doesn’t mean we won’t be happy again soon. Thanks so much for linking up with us #ablogginggoodtime
Parenting really is about bringing the good and bad together and showing that nothing stays bad forever, right? We shouldn’t have to shield our children too much and especially shouldn’t shield them away from us, our emotions. I think that would just be pushing them away from their closest relationships. So many challenges! 😅
He sounds like such a caring little boy and it’s so important that you share these moments with them to teach them about healthy emotional outlet. Thanks for linking up to the#bigpinklink this week.
Thank you, I can only hope that he would one day grow into a caring man. X
I am so with you on this. I haven’t very often cried in front of Zach but I defnitely have. And in fact it was because of him that I did cry. The first couple of months after having Oscar, Zach was pretty mean to me and he pushed and pushed me until I snapped. Because of the hormones from having a newborn, the snapping was just me breaking down in tears and at that point he realised he had gone too far and was lovely to me again. I just couldn’t hold it in. The first time I did go to the bathroom to cry and he knew I was upset but the second, it happened in front of him. It was good for him to know that he couldn’t behave like that. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
It’s great that our children can learn from us like that, no words, just pure raw actions. Zach is a lovely boy and seeing you like that must have brought it back down to earth for him and learnt that there are certain boundaries we just can’t cross whether it’s at home or in his wider external social circle. X
As a brand-new mama, this post really resonates with me. Thank you!
I think it is absolutely okay to show them that their parents are only human and have feelings and emotions, too! But, like you said, just don’t cry over everything.
I’m not sure I’ve ever cried in front of the kids – It’s the sort of thing you instinctively try not to do… #ablogginggoodtime
Definitely agree. My daughter said sorry once when I cried in front of her to a friend and I felt so bad but I do always say why mummy is a bit sad but then say i’ll be better after a cuddle. She’s very caring so i don’t think it’s a bad thing to show emotions. #coolmumclub
I’m not a mother yet I have seen my own cry in very few instances however I️ know she is the strongest woman i Know and that her crying doesn’t change and for me