Family Life / Mummy Talk

Mummy is Spoiling the Kids!

We have the luxury of my parents helping us take care of #JasperBean when we’re working. However, as a mum, I do worry that grandparents are spoiling him rotten (as did my grandma with me). And guess who would have to deal with the consequences? Yours truly…”

All too often, when we pick up #JasperBean, I wouldn’t say I get a “complaint“, but I’m usually greeted with. “He’s been such a good boy today, but as soon as you show up, he throws a tantrum, will not sit properly and is crying at the slightest thing. Mummy spoils you too much!*Shocked*. I don’t know what’s worse, but even his paternal grandparents who sees him once every few weeks will make a similar comment. “If you don’t shout/scold at him, he will just bully you.” *Gobsmacked*. Oh wait, when S has to look after him for a rare afternoon/evening when I’m out, even he says something like. “He’s been Daddy’s boy all day! When you’re around, you’re encouraging him! You’re letting him get away with too much“. I feel a slight sense of bitterness and injustice when I hear this.

“You’re spoiling him/her/the kids!”

When something like this happens, who is responsible? Unfortunately, mum always seems to be the prime suspect.

Mum is spoiling the kids

Is it mummy’s fault?

Is it just me or do fellow mums also feel helpless when they hear criticisms like this? I mean, I don’t know why when a child is with their mum, they seem to turn into little monsters. The naughty kid who is constantly cuddled or held and is either crying or whining. I don’t know why my kid can walk miles and miles when he’s with grandma or grandpa but when I’m there, he wants me hold him after just 5 minutes. I don’t know why when he has a bath, he specifically wants me and not daddy, and sometimes will push him away screaming “No. no. no – go away!“.

At nursery, we were worried of receiving complaints from teachers and carers for his behaviour. In actual fact, it’s the opposite. Shocked? Yes. This didn’t sound like my child, who was he? As it seems, many children displayed this double-sidedness in them.

Let it go, let it go

On the surface, he appears to be a little devil when I’m around. Yet, he knows he needs to be a good boy and obey rules and listen to commands when he’s outside. However, pushing limits and buttons is still one of his specialities, so there’s no change there. This is a much more toned down #JasperBean than the one facing mummy. The reason for this? I believe it’s because when we return to our ‘safe place’, we can breathe a sign of relief, just like when we return home from a long day at work. We let go and so does he. He is comfortable enough to release all injustice and grievances. He feels free to act like a spoiled child. Because mummy gives him confidence that even if he shows his true self, he will not be judged or abandoned.

I now realise that my worries are actually something that I should be happy about. And the “complaints”? No, they are in fact compliments. Next time, I know that all I need to focus on is soothe the crying child in my arms. He is not spoilt and I am not spoiling him. This is a true demonstration of love and trust from him.

And I love and trust him unconditionally.

Thanks for reading and until next time…

Love, MsMamaBean x

Disclaimer: This is from my own experience and can be applied to Daddy or any other member who the child is most attached to.

This post is linked up to the following linkys:Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.comMum Muddling Through



8 February 2018 at 1:05 pm

Kids turn into monsters when they are with their mums not because we are spoiling them but because they are the most comfortable with us and they know they can push the boundaries hardest with us. They are golden with others because they don’t feel as comfortable so just know that they save all the crap for us and don’t beat yourself up because it’s totes normal! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this lovely xoxo

    8 February 2018 at 5:26 pm

    I agree and that’s what I have concluded in my post, that being told he’s acting like a monster with me is just because he’s comfortable to open up the real him to me. I adore him regardless and a monster to them is an angel to me 😊

8 February 2018 at 5:23 pm

All grandparents spoil as parents say. Our children were taught that when they were told no it meant no. If they threw a tantrum they were punished at any age.

    8 February 2018 at 5:27 pm

    I agree, but it’s so important that parents/elders are on the same page and discipline them when it’s required, otherwise they will just act up in front of the “softer” adult, right?

8 February 2018 at 5:46 pm

Often this is jjust the baby finally being able to express their feelings safe in knowing they have heir mom dad close. It’s great that you are able to recognize that you just need to let it go . Wonderfullly written. You are blessed to have family close on whom you can rely for child care. 🙂 God bless.

    8 February 2018 at 6:14 pm

    I am really grateful for the help my family can offer, otherwise I would find it really hard to keep a work-life balance. Plus I’m really happy he is able to release all emotions with me. That’s something I got to be proud of! Thanks for visiting x

8 February 2018 at 5:56 pm

Great post! I do think kids behave like that around their parents, and especially around their mom because they feel in complete confidence to do so. And sure, they might be testing limits but that’s a part of them forming their character. You have a beautiful family!

8 February 2018 at 6:44 pm

This is so sweet. Luckily you love you child more than anyone and you have so much patience to hold him even when you know he’s capable of walking by himself!

    8 February 2018 at 6:59 pm

    I’m sure every parent loves their child(ren) more than anything in the word and would do anything to support them, but sometimes we just have to step back and observe.

9 February 2018 at 9:55 pm

Great post. I love your perspective on this!!

Let me know what you think!

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