We have the luxury of my parents helping us take care of #JasperBean when we’re working. However, as a mum, I do worry that grandparents are spoiling him rotten (as did my grandma with me). And guess who would have to deal with the consequences? Yours truly…”
All too often, when we pick up #JasperBean, I wouldn’t say I get a “complaint“, but I’m usually greeted with. “He’s been such a good boy today, but as soon as you show up, he throws a tantrum, will not sit properly and is crying at the slightest thing. Mummy spoils you too much!” *Shocked*. I don’t know what’s worse, but even his paternal grandparents who sees him once every few weeks will make a similar comment. “If you don’t shout/scold at him, he will just bully you.” *Gobsmacked*. Oh wait, when S has to look after him for a rare afternoon/evening when I’m out, even he says something like. “He’s been Daddy’s boy all day! When you’re around, you’re encouraging him! You’re letting him get away with too much“. I feel a slight sense of bitterness and injustice when I hear this.
“You’re spoiling him/her/the kids!”
When something like this happens, who is responsible? Unfortunately, mum always seems to be the prime suspect.
Is it mummy’s fault?
Is it just me or do fellow mums also feel helpless when they hear criticisms like this? I mean, I don’t know why when a child is with their mum, they seem to turn into little monsters. The naughty kid who is constantly cuddled or held and is either crying or whining. I don’t know why my kid can walk miles and miles when he’s with grandma or grandpa but when I’m there, he wants me hold him after just 5 minutes. I don’t know why when he has a bath, he specifically wants me and not daddy, and sometimes will push him away screaming “No. no. no – go away!“.
At nursery, we were worried of receiving complaints from teachers and carers for his behaviour. In actual fact, it’s the opposite. Shocked? Yes. This didn’t sound like my child, who was he? As it seems, many children displayed this double-sidedness in them.
Let it go, let it go
On the surface, he appears to be a little devil when I’m around. Yet, he knows he needs to be a good boy and obey rules and listen to commands when he’s outside. However, pushing limits and buttons is still one of his specialities, so there’s no change there. This is a much more toned down #JasperBean than the one facing mummy. The reason for this? I believe it’s because when we return to our ‘safe place’, we can breathe a sign of relief, just like when we return home from a long day at work. We let go and so does he. He is comfortable enough to release all injustice and grievances. He feels free to act like a spoiled child. Because mummy gives him confidence that even if he shows his true self, he will not be judged or abandoned.
I now realise that my worries are actually something that I should be happy about. And the “complaints”? No, they are in fact compliments. Next time, I know that all I need to focus on is soothe the crying child in my arms. He is not spoilt and I am not spoiling him. This is a true demonstration of love and trust from him.
And I love and trust him unconditionally.
Thanks for reading and until next time…
Love, MsMamaBean x
Disclaimer: This is from my own experience and can be applied to Daddy or any other member who the child is most attached to.